I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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