It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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