Just cropdusted the office
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
