Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
