My friends, they love my intelligence
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
