arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
