LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
