I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
