don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
