For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
