Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
