I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
