"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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