Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
