11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
