So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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