Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
