Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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