dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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