I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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