ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
