Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
