what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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