Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
