Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
