you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This is my gift to your gina
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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