Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
