I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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