In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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