Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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