My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
