my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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