Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
