I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
