i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
