And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We are all done wearing pants today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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