Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
