Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize