A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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