Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
