My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
