I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
