It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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