what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
