Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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