So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
vagina is talking i cant
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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