You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize