I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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