Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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