My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
