you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
