if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
