My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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