how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
