The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
