how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
