I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
