DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
