The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
