Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
