I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is my gift to your gina
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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