He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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