Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Found your dick twin last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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