With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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