ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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