Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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