I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
