Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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