My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
