Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
