Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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