As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
