Will you blow on my dice?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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