Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
